


Vocalizing

by adiwriting



Series: Hearing Verse [22]
Category: Glee
Genre: Deaf!Blaine, Glee AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 18:58:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1358353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adiwriting/pseuds/adiwriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt knows that Blaine will never talk when they are together, he doesn't expect Blaine to. He's perfectly happy signing. It's just that... he misses the way Blaine used to moan when they were together and call out his name, he doesn't know why Blaine is so embarrassed suddenly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vocalizing

The first time it happens, they are in the middle of their first time and as hot as it is, Kurt doesn’t call attention to it because he doesn’t want Blaine to feel more self conscious than he already does. Instead, Kurt just listens and grows increasingly more turned on as Blaine makes the most uninhibited sounds. He can’t possibly realize how loud he is, but it doesn’t matter. Kurt’s family is all out of town for the weekend and they have the entire house to themselves. 

The second time, they are in the back seat of Kurt’s car and it’s after a summer concert. The parking lot is abandoned, but the air is sticky with humidity and sex and it doesn’t seem like the appropriate moment to bring it up, so Kurt just finishes him off and promises that Blaine can return the favor when they get home. 

The third time, they’ve just moved Blaine into his dorm room and Sebastian is out to dinner with his family and Kurt swears Blaine says his name. It’s hard to tell because his ears are ringing as Blaine begins to move quicker, but then he hears it again, “Kurt.” He comes immediately and doesn’t explain why. 

During the fourth time, Blaine hums while his mouth is around him and he loses all ability to even process. He’s not sure he is capable of words after that. 

The fifth time is a rush between classes and work. Kurt’s sure that it’s going to be too long of a conversation to start when he barely has enough time to throw his uniform back on and catch the subway before he’s late. Damn Blaine’s dorm for being so inconveniently located. 

After that, it just gets easier not to say anything but to enjoy the grunts, moans, and occasional words that come from Blaine’s gorgeous, kiss-swollen lips. 

Time number thirty is especially memorable, not that Kurt counts or anything… that would be weird. But the thirtieth time is Christmas Eve and they are both stuck in New York City with evil bosses that wouldn’t grant them vacation time to go home for the holidays. Blaine’s dorm is closed for two weeks so he’s been staying with Kurt and it’s cold in the apartment but warm under the covers. Blaine asks him if he’s ready to go all the way. 

“Oh God, Kurt,” Blaine says and he has to bite into his shoulder to stop himself from asking for more. He’s not ever sure where it comes from. He knows Blaine spent all of his elementary and middle school days voicing before he went to Dalton and was allowed to sign in class. Perhaps it’s an old habit that comes up when he’s not thinking about it. 

“I love you,” Blaine whispers into the dark as he comes down from his orgasm and Kurt doesn’t realize that he signs back, I LOVE YOU, TOO. 

After that, Blaine seems to catch on to what’s happening because it all stops and Kurt’s pretty sure that he’s going to cry at the loss of such a beautiful thing. It’s not that he expects Blaine to speak for him or that he even wants him to. He’s happy signing for the rest of their lives together, but this is different. This is Blaine’s most natural reaction to the two of them making love. This is him lowering his guard and letting Kurt in to a piece of himself that he doesn’t like to share with others. If Blaine never wants to use his voice around him, that’s okay with Kurt. He’ll get over it. He just hopes Blaine isn’t ashamed of how he sounds. 

So finally, one unseasonably warm February day, Kurt decides to finally bring it up. They are walking to their favorite bakery — the one that’s too far from either of their places but is worth the trip for the most heavenly macaroons in the world — and Blaine’s laughing at some catty comment he just made about the girl in the neon leopard print pants that just walked past. Kurt grabs his wrist and pulls him off to sit on a bench so they can’t get run over. 

YOU CAN’T ACTUALLY MAKE HER CHANGE, Blaine gives him a look and Kurt rolls his eyes. Though he can’t say that the thought didn’t cross his mind, the woman was a walking fashion disaster and deserved to be torn apart by Joan Rivers herself. 

NO, I WANT TO TALK, he says. 

HERE? Blaine asks, looking around curiously. They are sitting between a hot dog stand and some guy trying to sell really bad Chanel knockoffs. It’s not exactly their usual style. 

WHY DID YOU STOP… Kurt pauses, unsure how exactly to broach the subject. Why did you stop calling out my name during sex? Why did you stop moaning? Why don’t you make any of the insanely hot sounds that drive me crazy anymore? It all sounds so crass and not at all what he wants to say. Why did you put your guard back up during sex? 

That is closer to what he’s looking for, but still weird. 

Blaine’s looking at him confused, silently waiting for him to explain what he’s talking about and he feels stupid for even bringing it up. He should have just let it go.

NEVER MIND, he says and moves to stand up before Blaine yanks him back down in his seat. Blaine glaring at him and he feels bad. He knows there are few things Blaine hates more than when people try and communicate with him and they give up because it’s too hard. 

SORRY, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS WITHOUT YOU GETTING MAD, he admits. 

DID YOU MEET SOMEBODY NEW? Blaine asks and Kurt is instantly offended that he could even think that. 

NO! 

DID YOU BREAK SOMETHING OF MINE? Blaine asks. 

NO, he signs with a deep sigh, but Blaine keeps pushing. 

MURDER SOME KITTENS? 

STOP, OKAY, Kurt laughs, feeling a bit more at ease now. 

WHATEVER IT IS, I’M NOT GOING TO GET MAD AT YOU, OKAY? JUST TALK TO ME, he says and Kurt can see that he’s being sincere so he decides to just take the leap and say it. 

WHEN WE USED TO FOOL AROUND, YOU WOULD MAKE THESE SOUNDS, SOMETIMES YOU WOULD TALK. THEN YOU STOPPED, I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY, he signs.

Blaine ducks his head down and he can see his ears starting to turn red with embarrassment. He reaches out and puts a finger under Blaine’s chin, carefully pulling his head up so that he can look into his eyes. 

WHY ARE YOU EMBARRASSED? he asks. He’s pretty sure he knows why, but he wants to hear it from Blaine. 

I DON’T LIKE MY VOICE, Blaine signs. 

He looks so upset by the entire thing that Kurt just wants to pull him into a hug and never let him go, but one of the downfalls of signing is that it’s rather difficult to talk to one another while in the middle of an embrace, so he stops himself from reaching out until they can finish their conversation. 

IT’S BEAUTIFUL. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ASHAMED, he signs, though he knows Blaine won’t believe him. Blaine and vocalizing is a touchy subject and Kurt’s known that for a long time, which is why it took him so long to say something. 

Blaine looks away, annoyed and he just wants to figure out what exactly the problem is so that he can go about fixing it. He moves his head, forcing himself back into Blaine’s eye line and watches him patiently, knowing that he’ll eventually start talking to him if he waits long enough. 

I THOUGHT YOU WERE HAPPY SIGNING, Blaine signs, a sad look on his face and Kurt feels guilty for putting it there, but deep down he knows they had to have this conversation at some point in their lives. Who knows what Blaine’s been thinking about the entire thing ever since he realized what was going on and stopped… He’s probably convinced himself that Kurt is disgusted by the sound of him, which is not even close to the truth. 

I AM, he reassures him. 

THEN WHY DOES IT MATTER? Blaine asks, a flash of anger goes through his eyes before he’s back to looking sad. 

I WANT YOU TO BE COMFORTABLE, THAT’S ALL, he signs. It’s the truth. That’s all that’s really ever mattered to him. He’s worked his ass off over the last year to become fluent in ASL just so that Blaine never had to work at communicating with him. He’s wanted this to be easy for Blaine.

I’M NOT COMFORTABLE VOICING, Blaine signs, looking at Kurt like he’s a stranger. 

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, he replies, annoyed that Blaine would even imply that when he knew better. I DON’T WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME. WE CAN KEEP SIGNING. 

OKAY, Blaine signs and moves to stand up, clearly eager to get out of this conversation, but he can’t let this one die. Not yet. He has to make himself clear so that Blaine doesn’t think he’s harboring some deep desire for Blaine to become vocal so he can stop signing all of the time. 

I DON’T WANT YOU TO FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO HOLD BACK WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU’RE EMBARRASSED ABOUT HOW YOU SOUND, THAT’S ALL, he explains as they start to walk towards the bakery again. 

IT JUST COMES OUT SOMETIMES, I CAN’T ALWAYS HELP IT, Blaine signs and Kurt wishes he didn’t feel like he had to control it. 

He wishes he could go back in time and stop anyone from ever laughing at the way Blaine sounds. He wishes he could stop Blaine from ever being forced into a vocalized program and being told that signing made him wrong or stupid. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to feel so resentful over something that shouldn’t ever have to be a big deal. 

God, Kurt just wants to fix the entire world, if only to make things easier for the boy who has made him feel more loved and cherished… more safe than he’s ever felt before. 

To Kurt, Blaine doesn’t sound wrong. He sounds perfect. He doesn’t need Blaine to speak all of the time. He’s happy communicating through ASL. It’s a gorgeous language and sometimes Kurt feels like it’s their own secret code. He loves the confused looks they get when their hands go a mile a minute and they suddenly burst into laughter at something one of them said and nobody is the wiser. He loves that they can go to crowded parties and sign at each other from across the room without anyone understanding. Some of Kurt’s favorite nights are when Blaine gets a little tipsy and starts propositioning him from across the way and his friend’s have no idea that Blaine’s saying the most filthy things for the entire world to see if only they understood, but they don’t. 

No. Kurt loves sign. 

He loves Blaine and he wants him to feel just as loved, cherished and protected as Kurt does when they are together.

I THINK IT’S SEXY, he signs. 

IT’S NOT SEXY, Blaine scoffs. 

THE FIRST TIME YOU SAID MY NAME, I CAME BEFORE YOU EVEN COULD REALLY GET STARTED.

Blaine stops in his tracks and instantly turns a bright red, sputtering in disbelief. Kurt chuckles as he tries to burry his face in his hands and manages to get run into by a bratty teenager on a skateboard. 

BLAINE? he asks after Blaine has managed to calm down a bit. 

YOU CAN’T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT IN PUBLIC, he glares at him and Kurt laughs out loud, thinking back to all the naughty things Blaine’s said in public over the years. 

CONSIDER IT KARMA, Kurt replies. 

They turn the corner and the line to the bakery is around the block, but what did they expect? It’s the first day in two months that the temperature was above freezing and it’s Sunday afternoon. They give each other a look, silently questioning if it’s worth it to stand in the line. It’s a silly question, they’ve waited in lines much longer for food that wasn’t half as delicious. Once they are in line and Kurt’s trashed talked the bakery loud enough to convince a few people in line ahead of them to leave — what, he wasn’t above stepping over to the Dark Side if it meant getting his cheesecake and strawberry macaroon faster — he figures Blaine’s had enough time to process everything and it’s safe to return to the topic. 

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO, PLEASE DON’T VOCALIZE FOR ME. I’M FINE, he signs carefully. 

OKAY, Blaine replies and for once it doesn’t look sarcastic or bitter. He’s heard Kurt and he’s actually listening to him. 

JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU WON’T HOLD BACK DURING SEX JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK I’LL JUDGE YOU, he signs and waits for Blaine to respond, but he doesn’t. 

BLAINE? 

YOU REALLY DON’T THINK IT’S WEIRD? he asks, looking unsure. 

DO YOU NEED ME TO PROVE TO YOU HOW MUCH IT TURNS ME ON? Kurt asks and Blaine instinctively looks around to make sure that nobody is paying attention to them. Every once in awhile, they will pass some curious university student who’s in an ASL class and don’t those students always like to study Blaine like the most fascinating thing on the planet. When he determines that the coast is clear, he leans in and kisses Kurt. 

I’M PRETTY SURE EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS LINE WOULD RATHER YOU WAIT UNTIL WE GOT HOME, Blaine signs. 

HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT DESSERT? he asks, suddenly not so hungry when the prospect of sex in his immediate future is put on the table. Blaine just smacks him and reminds him to be patient. 

I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE TURNED ON BY MY VOICE, Blaine admits once they finally have their desserts in hand and luck into one of the only tables inside of the small store. IT MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY FOR MAKING YOU SIGN. 

IT’S NOT YOUR VOICE THAT’S SEXY, he explains. IT’S HOW YOU LET GO WITH ME AND DON’T CARE. IT’S LIKE YOU’RE COMPLETELY FREE WHEN WE ARE HAVING SEX. 

YOU MAKE ME FEEL GOOD, Blaine blushes, as if he needs to justify himself to Kurt. 

IT’S AMAZING TO KNOW THAT I MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY, he signs, slotting their ankles together and Kurt’s so tempted to try and see how turned on he can make Blaine with just a simple game of footsie, but he doesn’t press his luck. Not today. YOU TALKING ISN’T THE TURN ON. IT’S YOU BEING SO UNINHIBITED. 

YOU PROMISE IT’S NOT WEIRD, Blaine asks, and Kurt can tell that he’s won this round. Blaine’s smiling easily and all of the tension in his shoulders from earlier is gone. 

CROSS MY HEART. 

Blaine stands up and throws away their plates even though Kurt still had a perfectly good bite left of his cheesecake. He’s about to protest, but Blaine’s got that hungry look in his eyes and Kurt forgets all about the cheesecake and his mind starts plotting the fastest route home. 

And yeah, later that afternoon — that fifty-seventh time? Blaine’s louder than Kurt’s ever heard him before.


End file.
